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Friday, November 13th, 2009
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10:42 pm - and so I'm offering this simple phrase:
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Please don’t mock me for my faults. They’re all I have.
This is what happens to children to forget to floss.
This is what I have come to.
I am sitting, half-covered by scummy water
In a bathtub, installed circa
1973. Nixon years. Then Regan years.
It’s a beige yellow, Jacuzzi heads, mildewed.
The tiles are green.
This is all of me, my person, my creative
Endeavors
And the slanted, quivering needle of my moral compass
Laying in the murky water, in this world of mine.
I do not fit completely.
I look like a frog, ready for dissection,
Naked, belly up, legs pinned down,
I am ready to be opened now, please.
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
You are a firing squad. Your eyes are cloudy,
Bloodshot.
Are you high?
(Shoot blindly. Aim low.)
I am here, pressing my arms against my body just to keep myself in
In fear that I may leak too much of myself
out of my armpits,
And later will have to be hoovered
From the carpet,
With a fan set up
To relieve the stubborn last few
tears that I can cry now, in this water,
Of my person, in this tub, this ugly tub
this ugly body this ugly frog, dead.
Dead, ready to be something else.
Turn me inside out.
current mood:  blah
current music: vocal jazz from last wednesday
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| Thursday, September 10th, 2009
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7:06 pm - I've found a fatal flaw in the logic of love.
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Usually writing makes me feel better, however, it seems to add to the frustration when I cannot find a single thing to write about. I am, as I am most Septembers, alone. I shouldn't feel alone-- I counted seven people who waved to me on my walk home the other afternoon, and as I retreated sweaty and sore to my kitchen, I wanted nothing more than to simply be e for elsewhere. I try to make happy: I bake things, I keep busy, but now the business has overstayed its welcome and is now settling down in a presence in my life as nothing but obnoxious.
I miss my friends and last year, and generally things I thought could, and only would get better, have merely changed, not advanced. I hope they do eventually perk up up and away, for I bullshitting myself is exhausting.
Things are okay, I realize. They are dull and upsetting, but alas-! What other options do I have?
current mood:  bitchy
current music: om nom.
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| Saturday, August 1st, 2009
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12:15 am - Oh the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
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Do good; be good.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle.
Careful the things you say.
In times of crisis, we must learn to do more with less.
If what you are about to do will:
HURT SOMEONE
BETRAY SOMEONE
BREAK THE GOLDEN RULE
BE DISHONEST, EVEN IN PART
BE HALF-ASSED
BE REGRETTED LATER
BE LESS THAN YOUR BEST-
then by all means, don't do it.
KEEP CALM & CARRY ON.
Think more, design less.
Try not to panic.
current mood:  calm
current music: rockapella. awesome.
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| Monday, April 20th, 2009
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10:14 pm - wall street rag.
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I am sitting in my room in my underwear, listening to ragtime, having just started putting up my first anonymous, sponsored (!) ad campaign; I am feeling like things right now, (if only for right now) are generally very very okay.
IT'S NICE TO BE NICE.
IT'S EASY TO BE KIND.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY BETTER.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: ragtime. yeah, yeah.
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| Sunday, March 29th, 2009
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1:55 am - Mother Moon, can't you see the sky is changing, getting brighter all the time.
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It's time.
Things I do not like:
My boy lives 500 miles away from me. I need but can't have snuggles. The epic amount of Sociology that I've put off and need to do tomorrow. The fact that this project I have to get done is eating my brain. Waking up at 6 a.m. for work. Getting a B on a project I expected a better grade on. Having a constant headache today. People that can't grow up and deal with their own issues without dragging everyone in. I am stressed out ALL THE TIME.
Things I like very much so.
The fact that I am madly in love with said boy. The fact that it's only four-ish weeks until I have summer-long snuggles. The fact that I have most of tomorrow night to study. That I have most of my project work is spelled out, and doing it might (and will probably, actually) be fun. The fact that I wake up at 6 a.m. to a job I love instead of a job I hate. The fact that I have learned what not to do on my next project. Knowing tomorrow I won't have a headache (and if I do, children's' tylenol is handy!). The fact that this drama is not my problem, and I will continue to see it that way. The fact that I am getting it done. Daisy May, eating ramen, re-starting a friendship, Benjamin Button, and finishing a day more ahead of the day that I started.
Things are generally more good then they are bad. It is supposed to be as such.
and I wish that we could stay this way, but I'm bound for the sunrise.
current mood: complacent
current music: Daisy may- mother moon
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2009
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3:32 pm - And leave no tip at all.
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I really hate weekends.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: frown song- BF
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| Sunday, January 25th, 2009
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2:59 am - I thank you God for this amazing
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Now, having lost.
1-25-09
Sitting in silence,
these words are rotting on my tongue.
My back hurts, my feet hurt, my heart hurts
most for the lack of looking, lack of speaking.
I carry daggers with me now-
one in each hand, five in the back.
They are poised and ready, but do not strike;
they are a front, and so am I.
I am missing laughing freely.
I am thinking and not talking.
Actually, I am saying a lot,
but no one is listening.
On the outskirts of everything,
I can do nothing but sit, shift,
try to grip firmly the reality
sharp and heavy, with sweaty palms;
slipping. Realizing I have not won.
Wishing I could drop my weapons
effortlessly, poignantly,
without making a sound.
current mood: calm
current music: eric whitacre- sleep
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| Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
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12:59 pm - I've got this movie in my mind of Effington, and the soundtrack to, it goes like this:
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Regardless of the shenanigans that went down last semester, the world has picked itself up and continued turning, thank God. For now, things are fine.
I keep thinking strong and independent, strong and independent, strong and independent-- but shit! It's cold outside!
Also, I love! I am loved! What else matters?
current mood:  artistic
current music: sunday in the park with george- sunday in the park with george
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| Sunday, December 28th, 2008
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7:18 pm - Either way.
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I wish sometimes that people could just step and take care of their business.
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2008
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12:09 am - Fall on your knees.
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Things have changed.
The christmas lights on my tree are LEDS this year, which apparently use 75% less energy, but lack the usual glint I expect with Christmas. They look very retro, which is new, ironically. New is good, sometimes. I have less to do than I usually do, so at any moment where I find myself lurking the internet & blindly sifting through facebook, I have to stop and go really? I have nothing I HAVE to be doing? No projects? No assignments? I don't have to go to bed at 11? Woah. Things that have happened-- had someone told me this six months ago, I would've looked them skeptically and gone "Yes. Of course. How much crack have you done these days? This stuff isn't possible. Get your head on straight, will you." (Which is what I always say, lol.) Looking back at this semester, things went well and things went wrong. I don't win $20,000, but I (well, Barack Obama, but myself as well) won a national election. I lost some friends, gained some friends, went from complete trust to complete distrust in a matter of days-- I've stopped arguing with people this semester. I'll try to an extent, and at that point you simply have to rationalize who it is, and what it is you're willing to waste your time on. There are things (and people) who I used to care deeply, deeply about, that I simply regard as an afterthought these days. I go to work, I make good art. I complain when I can (when is often) but try to recognize that my complaints are petty and unnecessary (which is, perhaps, more often.) I find myself these days home, with the people I love the most, doing the things I love the most. These are times that are not normal, but they seem the most normal-- does that make any sense? It just works.
Some things, however, have not changed. Matthew, bestest friend on earth of mine, still fills me with huge smiles the moment I see him walk into my line of sight after weeks of trying to remember exactly how he walks and what he would say to me in my moments of doubt when he is hundreds of miles south of me. He is constantly beautiful, hilarious, clever; the person I long to watch hours of Deadliest Catch and Mythbusters with-- there is a certain comfort that comes from years of trust & years of being goons together. No matter what around me seems to fall apart & change and leave me staring at the brilliantly energy-efficient christmas lights, I still am blessed and lucky enough to be in love with my best friend. When our lives are altered, we often find ourselves apart, but somehow we always manage to change together.
:)
"Could it be possible the Beach Boys hate the entire state of Vermont?!"
current mood: awake
current music: kokomo- the muppets
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| Monday, November 24th, 2008
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2:59 pm - The neon lights from the building let you know you're home.
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Lately I've been feeling more alone than I did my first semester at NMU. I'm kind of hovering between that whole having-too-much-to-do and having-no-friends point. Normally when people go "Well, how are you liking Northern?" The typical reply is "It's fabulous! I have great friends, I'm making great art-- I can't complain!"
Right now the response would be "Meh."
current mood:  lonely
current music: beat that my heart skipped
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| Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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2:20 pm - From then it was called Campbell's from the can.
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| Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
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5:00 pm - Forget all your politics for a while, let the color schemes arrive.
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Where to start?
Life is good. Solidly & strangely. I am in college (w00t sophomores!), I'm learning so much my brain feels like it's swimming in it's own brightly hued typography vomit. I'm constantly gawking over typefaces & kerning & leading & I never thought I would give a shit about the difference between smart & dumb quotes,Helvetice Neue and Helvetica. It's just where I am, I guess. I just about shat bricks on election night, screaming and drinking with like-minded people and having four years of set ambitions and hopes come down to a whopping landslide. Victory! Yes!
Lately I've found that I have let some major peeves go (loud chewing is background noise for the most part, now.) and made some major life inconveniences (knuckle cracking, having wet clothing, especially wet sleeves or socks) for myself, but whatever. This is such a major shuffling zone it's unreal. Things that are solid suddenly aren't, and the only major constant is that life is really really good (except for those times when it isn't. :P)
This weekend means trips downstate (Jeez, I just wrote "downstairs") and snuggles with the boy and it's almost been four years-- what what? Yesterday my phone somehow reset it's date to Feb. 16, 2007. It made me chuckle quite a bit.
I just felt the need to update. I need to do this more. writing grounds me enough to remember what the hell I did last week in relation to what I'm doing next week. Comprende?
P.S. I am a baker now. How badass is that?
- - - - - -
( Sometimes it needs to happen. )
current mood: chipper
current music: weezer- perfect situation.
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
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6:36 pm - Anything you do, let it come from you, then it will be new.
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So, you figure that after a solid year of long-distance that the leaving process would be easier. Easlier? No way, motherfuckers. Last night was terrible. I'm still feeing the hangover effects of misery today, as I've been experiencing bouts of sporadic crying & a headache which makes me feel something like I've been bludgeoned with a croquet mallet. I've been sent flowers (by teh boy) and made mac & cheese (by Ellen) and usually these things which would make me warm and excited from the inside out are still leaving me feeling like I'm drunk & sobbing and looking in a mirror at a sad, sad reflection of myself.
As a result of this, I'm introverted, totally pissy & generally untalkative. Uh, what? Very un-Mia like. I know.
Eeeverything will be okee, though.
Yes yes yes.
current mood:  sick
current music: sunday in the park
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| Friday, August 15th, 2008
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2:08 am - High summer holds the earth; hearts are whole.
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| Sunday, August 3rd, 2008
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12:13 am - the electric version.
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This is just a quick post to badger anyone I didn't already get on facebook! :
In my mad search for scholarships I came across the "Make a two minute video explaining why tea is great, win $20,000. (Yeah. 20 grand. I thought I mis-read it at first, too.) Most of the judging is based on the video itself, but a small portion of the it is based off of YouTube votes! So, I'm inviting everyone I know to *please* login to Youtube & vote (five stars, pleeease!) on my video! (Before August 15th!) The link is below-- thanks so much everyone!
(Also, I realize it's really corny, but seriously. I'd sell my left arm for $20,000.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSv-NsAyEVk
Thanks, and if you know anyone who loves tea, could benefit from learning about tea, or who would enjoy the video, pass it on and tell them to vote! :D
current mood: accomplished
current music: the electric version- new pornographers
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| Sunday, July 6th, 2008
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1:38 am - It's all about your fifteen seconds.
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I would totally give anything for someone to fight with me over when something is wrong, for someone to say no, you're not all-right, you're lying straight to my face saying in saying you're fine and for me to say back why yes, I am. I'd love it if someone just knew and argued and wouldn't let it go but the world will turn even if they don't, so whatever and screw it.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: sailor song-regina spektor
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| Sunday, June 29th, 2008
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2:02 am - You're my favorite bird and when you sing
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| Friday, May 23rd, 2008
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2:39 am - But since it falls into my lot that I should rise and you should not.
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Sometimes it's doing the unromantic things together that are the best. Matti and I painted his kitchen tonight starting at 10:30. We spotted each other while we stood on the counter, and by the end of the evening we were covered in paint, and so was half of his kitchen, in Balai Grass green. We were listening to Jason Robert Brown's The Last Five Years simply being together at 2 in the morning; if I had spent an afternoon writing up a perfectly romantic evening with my favorite person on earth, my imagination would've floundered terribly and I would have failed to come up with anything half as amazing as the night I just spent with my bestest.
We can do better-- because we can do better than that. :)
current mood: happy
current music: Jason robert brown goodness.
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
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11:17 am - Combinations all around us.
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So, it's been a while, and I've successfully survived my first year of college. Who knew?
I'm in West Lafayette, Indiana, at current, and I'm already swarmed at the thought of going back home to costume, work, and plan the CALIFORNIA TRIP! I'm mighty excited for the latter, however.
I've found I highly enjoy NMU-- I'm quite sad that all of my school-year lovelies have migrated back to their corners of the midwest. I'd like them back up in the UP, pronto.
Today shall be a day of exploring Indiana, methinks!
:)
current mood: calm
current music: eisley
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